Dregs
by Astern
Summary: One-shot. Tess learns that Joel may have been a very different person before the outbreak.


The thin slats that covered the windows of Joel's bedroom did precious little to block out the cold of the frosty Boston winter. Indeed, the only thing that could really be said for sleeping indoors was that the walls of the crumbling apartment building went some way to cutting down on the biting winter wind, but if it was warmer inside than out, you could barely tell.

Tess awoke to see her breath fogging in front of her, pale against the dim light of the bedroom. She felt the thin mattress move beneath her then go still. Bleary-eyed, she rolled to face the center of the bed. Joel sat perched on the edge with his back to her, leaning over his knees and rubbing his eyes. She watched his shoulders rise with a drowsy sigh, then he abruptly turned and saw her watching him.

"Mornin'," he said absently before turning away and rising. The tangle of blankets caught on his leg and pulled after him as he stood, jerking away the precious warmth from Tess's still-covered form.

"Jesus, Joel," Tess grumbled half-heartedly as the bare skin of her shoulder was suddenly exposed to the frigid air. "Take half the goddamn bed with you, why don't you." She pulled the blankets back and burrowed down into them as Joel glanced back at her apologetically but said nothing.

Tess rolled onto her back and stared up the ceiling, her expression longing. "Fuck, I miss central heating." The earned a soft chuckle from Joel, which made Tess smile as she looked back down at him. "And Arizona winters. What I wouldn't give for an Arizona winter again."

"You say that every year," Joel replied lightly, his back to her as he ruffled through a pile of papers and discarded clothing atop his battered dresser.

"Yeah well, I mean it every year," Tess returned, half joking, half testy.

"Then get on back there. Seems like life here in paradise ain't good enough for you anymore, huh?"

His tone was teasing and Tess gave him a sideways smirk when he glanced back at her. "I said Arizona winters, not Arizona weather. Wouldn't be worth the summers without AC. Damn, but I'd rather freeze in Boston."

"You might just get your wish. Here." He gave a soft snort as he shrugged out of the ratty green plaid shirt he had slept in and tossed it towards her. He wasted no time pulling on a thicker red flannel, but Tess had a glimpse of his scarred torso in the dim light. Joel wasn't muscular – the thin quarantine zone rations were hardly enough to keep meat on the bones, never mind build real muscle – but his body was lean and hard, the product of many lean and hard years. A dozen red and white scars skipped across the skin of his chest, shoulder, and back.

"My hero," Tess said smugly, pulling Joel's discarded shirt towards her. She unburrowed from the blankets and quickly wrapped the shirt around her before the chill could bite at her bare skin. It was warm and smelled of sweat and grit and sex. It smelled of Joel. Damn, but that man would never know what that smell meant to her. She would never tell him.

"Alright, big guy, plans for the day," she said as she leaned against the wall behind her. Joel still faced the dresser, but Tess could hear the clink of glasses and the gentle liquid swish of drinks being poured. She sighed, mentally running through a laundry list of things that needed doing. "Bill's supposed to be at the Goldstone tomorrow at noon. What's your ammo look like?"

"Half a mag," Joel replied.

"Better'n me. Hit up Robert today for a couple of mags. He still owes us those ration cards he bought on a blank check last month. I'm gonna pay a visit to Jo and see if she doesn't wanna last minute one up Harry's bid on the pack of batteries Bill promised to bring us this time – Jo can pay better'n Harry and she's less of a pain in my ass."

Joel turned away from the dresser, two short glasses in hand. Each was filled with an amber liquid that smelled half whiskey, half cleaning fluid. He held one out to Tess and took a sip from his own, nodding simply and muttering an absent, "Yes ma'am."

Tess wrapped herself around the glass and took a sip. Unlike Joel, however, she made a face as the liquid burned down her throat in a not altogether pleasant way. "Jesus Christ," she grumbled. "What the hell is Donny putting in this shit these days?"

"Rubbin' alcohol probably," Joel replied. He had returned to the dresser and was rifling through papers now. "S'all he probably finds in the city anymore. I'd bet he's emptied most of the liquor stores without infected near 'em. Christ. Powerful demand for real liquor in the zone."

"Oh!" Tess exclaimed suddenly, causing Joel to look back at her in surprise. "Shit, I never told you about Donny's brother, did I?"

"Mark? No? What?"

Tess nodded knowingly, her face taking on that familiar expression halfway between smug and disgusted. "Infected. Two days ago."

Joel's brows drew together in surprise. "Get outta here. Where?"

"In the city, of course, probably out looking for liquor. One of Donny's other boys came back with the news."

"That's his last one, isn't it? Last brother, I mean," said Joel as he turned back to whatever he was doing.

Tess nodded. "Yep. What a shit show, huh? Five brothers and every single one survives the outbreak, then they just start dropping like flies over the years. I mean Donny can be an ass, but hell, he doesn't deserve that." She paused, gently swirling the amber liquid in her glass. Then, her voice losing some of its usual edge, she added, "At least everyone I cared about died right at the start. Like a band aid, right? Tear it off in one go."

Joel didn't say anything, but she noticed he had stilled somewhat, his back still to her but no more rustling of papers. He often answered with silence, but she had expected some smartass comment in return. He so easily deflected conversations of any depth with sarcasm or black humor. Yet when no response was forthcoming, Tess cocked her head at him. Still nothing.

She gave a pointed sigh. "Both my brothers and my parents, since you asked so politely," she said, voice laden with sarcasm.

Joel half-glanced back at her, his expression attempting to convey that he had not quite heard what she had said. He was a terrible actor. "Hm? Oh," he said, unconvincingly. "Oh. What happened?"

Tess sighed again, though this time it was deep and thoughtful rather than designed to make a point. She hugged her knees to her chest, cradling her liquor. "Infected," she muttered bitterly. "What else." She watched Joel's eyes flick down, watched him frown, then look back up at her and nod gently.

"It was a few weeks after the outbreak," Tess continued. "We were all holed up at my parents' place, doing everything we could to scare off scavengers. And I went out lookin' for food. Gone maybe a few hours." Her expression took on a faraway look. Bitterness crept back into her voice as she softly snorted and shook her head. "Got back to find the place a wreck. Infected had…broken in." She paused again, her tone now ominously matter-of-fact. "Dad hadn't turned yet, so he'd shot the other three. Said his goodbyes to me, then shot himself. Pfft. Bastard. Was always so goddamn practical like that."

"Probably saved _your_ ass though," Joel said with half a smirk as he leaned back against the dresser, arms crossed. Yeah, there was the smartass she knew.

"Damn straight," Tess said. She grinned, forcing from her mind the image a pepper-colored beard and green eyes, the blood of infection just beginning to sap their warmth. _Bye, sweetie._ "Well, how about you, Texas? That's my sob story. What's yours? Lose anyone in all this mess?"

The smirk faded from Joel's face and his shook his head with shrug, pushing away from the dresser. "Everybody's lost someone," he said vaguely. He downed the last of his liquor and turned back to busily rustling the papers atop the dresser.

Tess sensed she should let it go. Joel had his moods, times when his temper would flare and he would tell her to fuck off and leave him the hell alone. And she would. Until he came round a few days later, smelling of stale liquor and acting as if nothing had happened. Sometimes he would be irritable, angry that she had avoided him; other times he simply kept a distracted silence, his fingers absently rubbing against the broken crystal of his battered watch. Either way, Tess never questioned it. This world fostered a deep aversion to expressing real feelings. Some, like Tess, showed their strength by openly discussing the past, as if it hardly bothered them. Others, like Joel, said hardly two words about it.

So she knew she ought to leave it. Yet with the smell of Joel's shirt wrapped around her, her curiosity was aroused. "Uh huh. So you just gonna leave me hangin' here? After I opened up my bleeding heart to you?"

Joel snorted, pretending to read some note or another. "Thought you said you weren't interested in my history?"

"Did I? No, no. I said I wasn't interested in your brain and that I was only using you for your body. Big difference," she said, smirking.

"Oh, is that it," he lightly deflected again, lapsing once more into silence.

"Mmhmm. Alright, let's see then. You've mentioned your brother Tommy made it up here to Boston with you. How about another brother? Sister? Parents? Wife?" She said the last with a sly grin. "Am I even warm here, big guy?"

Once again Joel said nothing. The rustling of papers that he held slowed and Tess sensed that he was not looking at whatever he was holding. He was silent a long time, longer than before. Tess had just about resolved to throw up her hands and let him off the hook when a deep sigh lifted his shoulders and suddenly made him hunch like someone ten years older.

Joel's back was still to her, but Tess heard his lips part.

"…Daughter," he said quietly. His voice did not catch, but it scraped, like the dregs at the bottom of a coffee cup.

Tess blinked. The smugness fell away from her expression and she felt herself straighten. That…was unexpected. She half expected him snap at her next, ask her if she was fucking happy now, but he didn't. He just stood there, breathing deep and slow. Tess swallowed.

"Shit, Joel," she finally said, practically whispered. "I didn't…think you were that old." That felt wrong, but she continued anyway. "You must've had her young." She saw him nod gently.

But that wasn't it at all. Joel was old enough to have had a kid before the outbreak, Tess knew that. He just…Nothing about him bespoke fatherhood. His knuckles were raw and red. His temper was a lightning rod. She had seen him beat men bloody, break their arms, then shoot them point blank in the head without flinching. Nothing about him bespoke fatherhood.

Tess liked Joel because he was reliable. Reliable in his violence, his smartass comments, his temper. Even with her he wasn't gentle so much as automatic, like an animal driven by instinct. Trust was not gentle in this world, trust was vicious and dependable.

Tess swallowed again, eyes flicking sideways at Joel. "Infected?" she asked.

Joel slowly shook his head. His voice still scraped. "Military."

She dropped her gaze, nodding. That sounded familiar. "When?"

"Like you. At the start."

Tess nodded again, absently swirling the amber liquid in her glass. She cradled her knees against her chest again and rested her chin between them, watching Joel as he stood there saying not a word. "How old was she?" she said finally.

He seemed not to hear, for he neither moved nor responded.

"Joel?"

"Hm?" He turned back to look at her. Perhaps it was the sight of Tess sitting there cradling her knees, almost child-like. Whatever it was, he quietly answered, "Twelve."

"Shit," Tess whispered again. She lifted her chin and shook her head, grappling for something to say. Jesus, what did you say to something like that, to some_one_ like that? "Pretty…pretty fucked up world we live in, huh?"

That seemed enough. Joel nodded slowly, eyes falling to the floorboards. After a long breath that wasn't quite a sigh, he said softly, "Yeah." There was just a touch of bitter.

Abruptly, Joel dropped whatever papers he had been handling and started for the door that led out to his grubby, cramped kitchen.

"Hey Joel." He stopped in the doorway, looking back at Tess with an expression already hardening. Tess too was already sinking back into that place of steely unassailability and her chin jutted out slightly, as if daring Joel to take her next words as a sign of feminine softness. "I'm sorry," she said simply. Defiantly. "For what it's worth."

He said nothing. His impassive expression betrayed nothing. His eyes flickered across her face for just a moment and then he turned away, leaving her alone in the bedroom.

Tess had known Joel for four years and would know him another six. They would never again mention his daughter.

**Hope you enjoyed. :) I'm looking for other character study ideas - moments like this that reveal little tidbits about the characters we know in The Last of Us. If you have any ideas for characters and/or places and times that exist in canon, feel free to make a suggestion in a review and I'll do my best! Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)  
**


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